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Back in 2012, my friend Joe Nicolosi and I collaborated on a short film called “Hell No.” The premise of this fake movie trailer-style short was that we’d present a number of well-known horror tropes, and then have the characters react in smart, reasonable ways, instead of having them make the…

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The 7 Best Numbers (In No Particular Order)

Numbers. What are they? No one knows. But there are at least dozens of them (if not fewer). How’s a modern working gal supposed to have an informed conversation about numerals when there are just so many of them? By reading this article STOP YELLING AT ME. Have you ever wondered what the best numbers are? Of course not, you’re not very smart. Which is where I come in (here). Below are the 7 best numbers (in no particular order) according to science and my opinion.

7. 3

The number 3 was popularized by the television sitcom “Three’s Company”. The show lingered in development hell for years, being titled everything from “Two’s Company” to “Four’s Company”. It wasn’t until the spring of 1976 when an intrepid young intern at ABC thought of using the number 3 that things finally took off. “I thought of using the number 3,” is probably what that intern would say. Also, most pizzas use a 3-cheese blend.

6. 58008

Remember calculators? They were like boring iPhones or fun Android phones. And this number was the only reason to own one. Go ahead, find a calculator and type that in. No big deal, right? WRONG. Flip that shit upside down. Boobs. “Boobs” is the word your calculator is saying to you. Fun facts like this are why number 58008 is number 6 in my list of the top 7 numbers (in no particular order).

5. 88

This number looks like two snowmen 69’ing and that’s just funny.

4. 1

The number that started it all. Try counting to 5 without the number 1. Can’t do it. Wait — can you do it? What are you doing? Stop it. You’re ruining this.

3. 3

The number so nice I listed it twice. Did you read the thing about “Three’s Company”? Have you seen that show? It’s delightful.

2. 999

The highest number known to man. The king of the jungle of numbers of this list I’m writing right now. Scientists “theorize” that “some day” we may “find” a higher number, but by then you and everyone you love will be long dead. So worship this number. Shun your gods and bow before the highest number.

1. 1,000

I just thought of this number. It’s one higher than 999. I did it, guys.

Author’s Note: This list is in no particular order.

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Because massages are stressful. 


Because massages are stressful. 

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Love is someone you can pass out with and then maybe vomit onto.


Love is someone you can pass out with and then maybe vomit onto.

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This looks awesome. Brad Pitt does it again.

This looks awesome. Brad Pitt does it again.